people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
