just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
