Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Everything about him screamed your future.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
