is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
