There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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