halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
