just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
my liver is dry heaving
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
