eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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