I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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