This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
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