Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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