she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize