I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
