we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
