Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Please don't give away my fajitas
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
