i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
