i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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