ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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