She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I believe in your delicious
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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