yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
