I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
