Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
