she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
