we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
