seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
