We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
is wine microwaveable?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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