I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
