I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
