I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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