Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
