I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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