We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
