He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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