I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize