if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
