I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
