1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
