Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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