I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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