we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
