hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
