Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
