idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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