I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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