Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
