So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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