Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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