you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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