Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
