someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
