Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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