that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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