did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
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if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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