i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
FUCK WHALES
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