Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
