bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
how drunk are you?
Several
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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