Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
