Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
