I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
