can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
PANTIES FOUND
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