does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
