You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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