She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
