If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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