Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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